Attitude!

Does attitude matter? Can you have a bad attitude and be a great leader? If you have a great attitude does it make you a great leader? Can you name anyone with a bad attitude that is/was a great leader? Which is easier to follow... someone with a good attitude or a bad one?

I would say for the most part I am a very positive guy with a very easy going attitude. I normally don't get too worked up about anything and typically maintain a level head... But I recently read a chapter in a book about leadership that I didn't care for.

But before I share that let me share with you some of the things it had to say...

* A leader's attitude is caught by his or her followers more quickly than his or her actions.
* God chooses what we go through. We choose how we go through it.
* The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The leader adjust the sails.

These three simple statements simply state the importance of our attitudes, but it should also tell what kind of attitudes we have... What does your attitude reflect when we find yourself in a high stress situation? What attitudes are your followers catching? Do you find yourself complaining? Just expecting something to change for the better? Or do you find yourself making the changes needed to adjust for the wind?

I enjoyed the chapter I was reading (Developing the Leader Within You by John C. Maxwell) until I read this; "The greatest day in your life and mind is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up."

See I like all the "tricks and techniques" but when it is all my responsibility then that becomes a bit uncomfortable... It is so much easier to justify my behavior and attitude than it is to own them. I'm not sure I like the idea that I can change my attitude no matter what is going on around me. I don't like that idea that no matter what someone has done I can change my perspective and change my attitude...

What about you? How is your attitude?
Do you believe you can change it?
Is there situations that you find yourself having a bad attitude? What can you do to change that?
Are you ready to take total responsibility for your attitude?

I'd love to hear your thoughts...

- Rainey

Elements of a Successful Group

This is from LifeChurch.tv

Here are the elements we’ve found essential for a great group:

1. A great group needs a leader. When everyone is always voting on what we do next, we never do much. A good leader makes for a good group.

2. A great group is built around God’s word. Too often, small groups become all about fellowship. While fellowship is always essential, doing life around God’s word is what truly makes the difference.

3. A great group is a safe group. If people can’t discuss openly without fear of judgment, rejection, or gossip, the group is doomed to fail.

4. A great group looks outward. Serving together is life-changing.

5. A great group births new groups. If a group stays together for too long, they usually grow stale. Healthy groups produce new groups.

6. A great group takes breaks. We often take the summer off from consistent meetings. We’re all busy. The break makes us long to be together more.

7. A great group hurts together. I just got off the phone after talking to a young woman with four children who just lost her 39-year-old husband. Even though she is devastated, she told me confidently that her Life Group would be there for her. God is glorified through such a group.

Have you been part of a successful small group? What do you think made that group successful?

I'd love to hear your thoughts...

- Rainey

Leading with Questions

Asking questions is probably the one skill a leader should develop. If you were to review how Jesus taught in the Gospels, you would discover that he used questions on a regular basis to prompt his audience to become involved in the learning process. Better known as the Socratic Method, Jesus used questions in a variety of ways to cause people to think and investigate their own actions and values. By the use of questions, Jesus was able to cause people to self-examine or be involved in their own self-discovery; he pulled out what was best in others by the use of simple questions. He led by questions. The following points about forming questions are not my own, they are extracted from the website www.TheThoughtfulChristian.com (to see more information about the use of questions click here). For now, let’s look at a few pointers about how to ask good questions:

1. Usually it is helpful to move from information gathering (easiest for participants) to analysis (requires application of critical thinking) to personal response(invites reflection on experience, investment in what one is learning, and commitment to change in response to learning). This helps you direct the flow of the session from encounter with information to analysis of that information to one’s reflection on and personal response to the information.

2. Write out your questions. Practice using the examples provided as guides. Then read the question and imagine how you would answer it. Ask yourself, “Does this question elicit the kinds of responses I am looking for?”

3. Silence is your friend. Challenging questions require time to think. Thinking time takes people from their first thought to more complex thoughts. Let them know that you are comfortable with silence and that you know they need time to think about the question. When you know you have asked a particularly difficult question, impose time for thinking to lower anxiety about the expectation that someone speak soon. Say, “This is a tough question that will take some thought,” or “Take some time to think about this instead of offering the fi rst thing that comes to your mind.”

5. Avoid questions that can be answered with a yes or a no. Turn them into questions that require a reason, a suggestion, a description, or a comparison, that is, not “Can you name three ways . . . ?” but “What are three ways . . . ?”

6. Ask one question at a time. Avoid explaining a question by asking it in other ways or responding to silence with different questions you think they might answer more easily. If you wrote the question out and tried it yourself, you will see that the silence is likely thinking time. Wait.

7. If you think the group is not responding because they may not have understood the question, ask any of these: “Is my question clear?” “Do you need more time to think?” “Do you need me to clarify the question?”

8. Be prepared to follow responses to one question with another question that takes the conversation deeper or further or illustrates it in new ways: “What are some examples of . . . ?” “What are some even more challenging ways to look at this?” “Where do these responses lead us?”

9. Invite participants to ask their own questions. This will help bring clarity to parts of the conversation they are puzzled about and lead in directions they are interested in exploring.

10. Imply with your question that more than one response is possible, indeed desirable. Ask, “How many ways . . . ?” instead of “In what way . . . ?” and “What are some things you could do . . . ?” instead of “What is something you could do . . . ?”

11. Control the person who responds first and frequently with kind redirection, such as, “Let’s hear from a couple of people we haven’t heard from yet, and then I’ll come back to you,” or “Since you’ve had a couple of chances to speak, let’s hear from some others first.”

12. Involve the group in answering their own questions by asking, “How would others of you answer that question?”

13. Build on group responses by asking, “What would others of you add to that idea?” or “What additional ideas would work as well?” or “What are some other ways of thinking about this issue?”

14. Create an atmosphere in which all responses are welcome and appreciated by simply acknowledging a response with a “Thank you” or “That’s helpful.”

Teachable...

I subscribe to a daily blog that LifeChurch sends out and this one came the other day and it presents some great questions...

Teachability Is A Must

LifeChurch.tv is a passion-filled, aggressive, ever-evolving organization. At LC, teachability is a must. Without teachability you probably won’t last 91 days at LC. Why 91? If you’re not teachable, during your 90-day review you might hear, ‘Thanks for coming, God loves you. And, thanks for leaving, God loves you.’ What we do is just too important.

Some people mistake experience for teachability. 10 years of experience + teachability = 10 years of experience. 10 years of experience - teachability = 1 year of experience, 10 times.

Here are some behaviors I’ve observed from those who are teachable:

1. They ask for adjusting feedback. What can I do better? What are my blind spots? How would you approach this situation? Etc. Those without teachability don’t look for adjusting feedback, they look for a pat on the back.

2. They live as a learner. They ask questions. They pursue knowledge. They make observations. They listen more than they speak (ouch!). They experiment with new ways of doing things. Those without teachability don’t live as a learner, they like to be the expert.

3. They are not defensive. They don’t make excuses when receiving feedback. They receive it, process it, and adjust. Even if they disagree, they look to become more self aware. Those without teachability are simply defensive.

Are you teachable? I know I need to become more teachable.

I'd love to hear your thoughts...

- Rainey

Submit

I know when I hear the word Submit I tend to think of images like the one above and/or I feel this urge to rebel, unless of course I’m the one asking for someone to Submit...

But as leaders we are called to do just that, Submit. Not just Submit to Christ, but to those who are leading us and those we are leading. This is Mutual Submission and it is an interracial part of leadership and often times it isn’t fair.

Let’s tackle this idea of fairness, which will only take a sentence... Fairness isn’t a Biblical idea (As we learned in Reset), fairness ended in the Garden of Eden. So as leaders we need to Do What Is Right, Not What Is Fair.

Here is what I mean... There are Three main things that must happen for Mutual Submission to be effective:

1.) Do for one when you can’t do for all.

It would be easy to say things like “I can’t visit everyone in the Hospital so I’m not going to see anyone. I can’t greet and/or say hi to everyone on Sunday, so I won’t say hi to anyone”. I think it is easy to see the fault in this idea...

So... Do For One/Some Like You Wish You Could Do For All.

Don’t try to be fair, fairness is the enemy of rightness...

2.) Systematize top down service.

Random acts of kindness aren’t enough in leadership. If we don’t have and/or build a system or structure into the rhythm of our lives then we won’t do it.

Here are a few examples of what I mean; If we don’t have a system, a way to remind us that it is someone’s Birthday then we will be very random in our wishing of happy birthday’s. If we don’t have a system, a way to allow people to speak into our lives then we will have very random growth patterns, both spiritually and emotionally.

3.) Ask “How can I help?”

As leaders we have a responsibility to help where we can, but it can feel overwhelming when there are so many areas that could use your leadership. So what can we do? How can we really make an impact?

Let me give you some hope... When there is a list of areas that could use your input, your leadership, your talents then tell that person “I can’t do all of these things, but tell me one thing, one activity that I can do to help”.

This will not only relieve pressure from you, but will also help that person identify what is the most pressing need.

Mutual Submission has to be modeled by the leader and anytime someone feels heard, especially from a leader then we communicate that we (Leaders) are here to serve them and not the other way around.

If we don’t create and/or have a system that gives us a sustainable pace then we won’t be a very efficient/affective leaders. A sustainable pace creates margin. If we don’t have the system we won’t have the margin.

* Where are you trying to be fair instead of doing what is right?
* What kind of system/structure do you have to help you be more proactive in your kindness?
* Where do you feel like there are too many things that could use your attention and where can you ask “what one thing, one
activity that I can do to help?”
* Is your leadership a fairness model or what is right model?


(From Andy Stanley's Mutual Submission Leadership Podcast)

Thinking in Spheres - not Hierarchy!

All too often leaders in the Church find ourselves replicating hierarchical models of leadership found in our own culture (e.g., government and/or the business world). We typically use these paradigms to help our institutions understand the flow of “authority” for making decisions so that all people in that institution know the ebb and flow of power. All of this is to keep some sort of order, process, and predictability to the institution so it can move forward to achieve its objectives. Okay, so a “hierarchy” works, but does a hierarchy adequately represent the values of the Kingdom? If we practice hierarchal models in the Church, then what should we do with Jesus’ statement in the Gospels about the non-existence of hierarchal authority in the Kingdom? If no-hierarchy exists in the Kingdom, then how should we understand the function of leadership in the church?

Read Jesus’ statements in Luke’s Gospel (22: 24-27), then come back to this blog.

From what I see Jesus inverts the hierarchy of authority, stating the greatest in the Kingdom are those who serve. Providing Jesus is the greatest in the Kingdom due to his earthly life of service (consider Phil 2: 5-11 where Jesus took-on the status of a slave and endured suffering/death), then I suppose those who follow him should be expected to endure service like him, and, as a result, be “greater in the kingdom”. My point is this: Service involves suffering, maybe not to the point of death for us Americans (perhaps in some cultural-contexts this might result in death), but service is uncomfortable and it stretches us; service breaks our selfishness so that our acts become an embodiment of Christ’s suffering for others in love. Wow, this very expression of selfless-service is what builds relational-equity and “influence” with others in the Kingdom!

Since leadership in the kingdom is built on relational-service, then I’m wondering if we should consider hierarchal models to be an inappropriate metaphor for understanding the so called “ebb and flow of power” in the church. If the “ebb and flow of power” in the Kingdom is measured more in terms of selfless-service (which builds relational-equity and “influence” with others), then perhaps we should think about leadership more in terms of concentric spheres of influence instead. With a “concentric sphere” model (like the picture above this post), the larger circles would represent leaders who have connections with others in the church on the basis of selfless-service to them. In other words, the larger circles have earned the right to be connected to other circles by their humility, selflessness, suffering, authenticity, etc. Perhaps leadership in the kingdom is much more natural in terms of relational-connectedness and earning this “connectedness” through acts of humble service. If so, then the church (and its leadership) should look more like the picture above where all members of a body work harmoniously together (Read Rom. 12: 4-14; I Cor 12: 12-27; Eph 4: 1-16). In other words, the “ebb and flow of power” should perhaps flow horizontally, not in vertical-hierarchies.

As a leader in the church, how does this model of leadership affect your perspective about leading? Does this model encourage you to be more intentional about building relationships? If so, then your role as a LifeGroup leader is absolutely essential to our church's health, what do you think?

Feedback...

I don't know about you, but when someone says; "I'd like to give you some feedback" I tend to brace myself for some negative comments. Maybe I'm in the minority, but it seems like we live in a world where everyone seems to have feedback to give and more often it's negative as well...

Let me clarify something before I get too far... I'm weird... OK let me tell you something you don't know... I decided very early in my leadership a few things. One was I had a lot to learn. Two I knew I had to always continue to learn how to lead better. And Three I knew I had to seek and be open to feedback from trusted people.

Let me say that again... I seek feedback. I don't like it, but I seek it. I don't like to hear the things I either did wrong or things I need to grow in, but I know that it is something I need to hear. As a leader I'd argue that feedback is one of the most essential parts of leadership. I'd also argue that how people receive feedback says a lot about what type of leader they are.

Here is what I am NOT saying... All feedback is true. All feedback is given at the right time. All feedback comes from a encouraging spirit... Again these are things I am NOT saying...

Here is what I AM saying... In order to grow as leaders we need to be open to feedback. In order to learn about some of our blind spots we need to receive feedback. How a leader responds to feedback will often reveal how teachable a leader is. Not all feedback is negative.

So how do you approach feedback? How do you give feedback? Who in your life do you seek feedback from? Why wouldn't you seek feedback? How do you respond to feedback? When was the last time you received feedback? Has feedback been helpful in your growth as a leader?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Andy

Leaders Reproduce, Period!

“To lead people, walk beside them . . .
As for the best leaders, the people do not notice their existence.
The next best, the people honor and praise.
The next, the people fear;
and the next, the people hate . . . .
When the best leader’s work is done the people say,
‘We did it ourselves!’”

~ Lao-tzu

Simply put, I’m convinced the best leaders are those who create opportunities for others to lead. A leader in God’s Kingdom should not be interested in securing a position of leadership for him or herself, but always seeking to empower others to lead. This means stepping aside – all that we try to harness and control in others – only to help them reach their potential in Christ. Jesus did the same with his newly formed leaders. John’s Gospel (16:7) tells us that Jesus told his disciples, “It is for your good that I am going away.” Why is it good for Jesus to leave them?

Besides the obvious fact that Jesus knew his fate (i.e. sacrificial death), he also knew that his mentoring had reach a limit. Jesus taught his disciples about the Kingdom in both word and deed, gave them on-the-job training, and then disappeared. What’s up with the disappearing part? Again, Jesus knew his mentoring limitations and simply suspended his efforts to allow the Spirit who could do far more to help them live-out their potential (read chapter 16 and compare this with John 14:12 where Jesus said they will do greater things than him as a result of going away). After Jesus leaves his newly formed leaders, we read in the Book of Acts how his leaders emulated Jesus’ leadership in both word and deed, even reproducing leaders who changed the world without Jesus being physically present (of course Jesus was present via the Spirit). Greater things can happen if leaders just reproduce themselves and step aside; that’s what Jesus did and that’s what we must do. Leaders reproduce, period!

Why don’t we see more reproduction in the Church? It seems to me, from my experience in churches, that co-dependency (on leadership) is bread instead, why? Without getting too theological about John’s Gospel, why is it good for leaders to step aside? How do greater things happen as a result of reproduction?

I’ll conclude with thoughts from George Barna:

"Leaders of growing churches concentrate on empowering other Christians for ministry. They do not use lay workers as helpers in attaining their own goals and fulfilling their own visions. Rather, they invert the pyramid of authority so that the leader assists Christians to attain the spiritual potential God has for them. These pastors equip, support, motivate and mentor individuals, enabling them to become all that God wants them to be."

Leading out of quietness...

Have you ever had this feeling that God wanted you to read something out of the Bible? Well I can't say it happens to me that often, but about a month ago I felt like God wanted me to read the Gospel Mark. I now know it was really only the first chapter; Mark 1:35.

Did you go read it? If not then do it... This will still be here.

Did you notice that even Jesus went to a solitary place to pray? I know for me I get distracted by things in my house or in my car, but if I go to a solitary place I find myself connecting to God much easier and often in a much deeper way. So what does this have to do with "Leading out of quietness" you ask... Good question.

Have you read the Gospel's and noticed how Jesus lead? I mean really paid attention to some of the things He did. After reading Mark 1:35 I find myself continually thinking and praying over that verse and I think it has finally dawned on me...

Jesus lead out of quietness. It was because of the quiet times with His Father that He was able to get His strength to continue, out of the quietness that Jesus was able to figure out the will of His Father. It was out of quietness that Jesus was able to model for us how to lead.

As I think about Jesus and His quiet times with His Father I can't help but think of how tired He had to have been most of the time. It wasn't like He got the weekends off...

I know for me it is so easy to make excuses why I don't make more time to spend in quietness, but I also know when I do make the time my leadership benefits from it. I tend to come back from those times refreshed, energized and often with more passion for what God has called me to than before I left.

Do you lead out of quietness? Do you believe it is possible? Do you believe that we should lead out of quietness, why or why not? What would it look like for you to do this?

By the way I find it no coincidence that the following His quiet time (Mark 1:35-38) that Jesus made the decision to go to a different village...

I'd love to hear your thoughts/comments.

Leading with Non-verbal Communication: Does it Matter?

According to communication specialists, Mehrabian and Wiener, “Only 7% of a message is sent through words and 93% is nonverbal expressions.” If this is true, then we as leaders must communicate right expressions in our relationships, and especially in our LifeGroups. Below is something I found to be applicable to our task of building community at LPV. Let’s see what you think. Before you think I’m the author of these points, no, I found them online. So, read these cues and let me know your thoughts. Do you think these cues make a difference in leading?

According to this source, the following are NEGATIVE signs in a poor leader and says you should avoid doing these body language cues:

· Using signs of dominance and intimidation such as invading others' space (office, lunch table, etc.) without their invitation.

· Standing close and over others seated.

· Interrupting others' stories with own version of what is 'right'.

· Showing signs of disagreement or boredom.

· When seated with others, leaning back and putting arms behind head.
· Arms folded across chest.

· Drawing 'doodles' on note pad while others are talking or presenting briefing.

· Sitting with chair at a big angle away from (e.g. not facing) the speaker in conference or meeting room.

· Slouching in chair with one leg over arm of chair.

· Starring glassy-eyed at speaker and not blinking.

· Yawning when others are talking.

· Picking at finger nails or at imaginary lint on clothes.
· Tapping fingers on table or chair.

· Fiddling with pencil, pen, or personal objects.

· Bouncing leg rapidly and repeatedly with ball of foot on floor.

According to the source, here are POSITIVE indicators of people who are paying attention and working well with others; these are things leaders should do:

· Listen and don't interrupt others speaking.

· Respect the space of others and don't enter office or work space without permission or acknowledgment of presence.

· Ask opinions of others and offer help to others when needed.
· Cheerfully greet others.

· Maintain a positive attitude and 'can do' approach for all new tasks.

· Really look for, admire and congratulate others on their jobs well done.

· Do use and respect the 'chain-of-command' for all communications.

· Don't gossip or complain about others.

· Lean forward in your chair toward speaker.

· Make eye-to-eye contact with normal blinking.

· Make slight head nodding on key points made by speaker.

· Make little or no extraneous arm and leg movements while talking to others.

What do you think? Can you think of other “positive indicators” of leading/relating to others?

What is a Leader?

Leadership is one of those words that seem to have so many different definitions, each one having a slightly different purpose or weight to it. For instance some think a leader is born, others think they are people who are given the title of leader, others think leaders are those who are the extraverted people who talk the most and that doesn't cover all the definitions many people have.

Well I tend to believe a leader is someone who goes first with others following them toward a destination. So we could say leadership is influence, more specifically Leadership is the ability to obtain followers.

Here are couple of quick truths about Influence:

1.) Everyone Influences Someone
2.) We Never Know Who or How Much WE Influence
3.) Influence is a Skill that CAN be Developed

We are being Influenced by someone and we are Influencing someone, whether we know it or not. Often times we don't even know who we are Influencing or how much we are Influencing them.

Here is an example. Last summer there was this student who was graduating from High School and if I had to bet I hadn't said 50 words to. I knew of him, but I didn't really know him. I wasn't even involved in Student Ministry's at the time and you know what? He invited me to his Graduation Party. I was shocked, blown away is more like it. I was certainly honored that he wanted me to come, but at the same time I had no idea I was Influencing him at all.

This is the power of Influence and chances are you're having an affect on someone right now!

I'll leave you with this quote from the book "Power and Influence" by Robert Dilenschneider where he talks about this idea of the "power triangle" which says this; "The three components of this triangle are communication, recognition, and influence. You start to communicate effectively. This leads to recognition and recognition in turn leads to influence."

We can learn to communicate better and more effectively and that my friends starts us on the road to more recognition and influence, which increases our ability to obtain followers.

* Who are you being Influenced by?
* How does it feel like knowing you are Influencing someone?
* How does knowing you can develop the skills to be a more effective Influencer?


Don't be surprised that someone is watching you, that someone is being Influenced by you. And don't be surprised if one day that someone asks you to come to their "Graduation"...