According to communication specialists, Mehrabian and Wiener, “Only 7% of a message is sent through words and 93% is nonverbal expressions.” If this is true, then we as leaders must communicate right expressions in our relationships, and especially in our LifeGroups. Below is something I found to be applicable to our task of building community at LPV. Let’s see what you think. Before you think I’m the author of these points, no, I found them online. So, read these cues and let me know your thoughts. Do you think these cues make a difference in leading?
According to this source, the following are NEGATIVE signs in a poor leader and says you should avoid doing these body language cues:
· Using signs of dominance and intimidation such as invading others' space (office, lunch table, etc.) without their invitation.
· Standing close and over others seated.
· Interrupting others' stories with own version of what is 'right'.
· Showing signs of disagreement or boredom.
· When seated with others, leaning back and putting arms behind head.
· Arms folded across chest.
· Drawing 'doodles' on note pad while others are talking or presenting briefing.
· Sitting with chair at a big angle away from (e.g. not facing) the speaker in conference or meeting room.
· Slouching in chair with one leg over arm of chair.
· Starring glassy-eyed at speaker and not blinking.
· Yawning when others are talking.
· Picking at finger nails or at imaginary lint on clothes.
· Tapping fingers on table or chair.
· Fiddling with pencil, pen, or personal objects.
· Bouncing leg rapidly and repeatedly with ball of foot on floor.
According to the source, here are POSITIVE indicators of people who are paying attention and working well with others; these are things leaders should do:
· Listen and don't interrupt others speaking.
· Respect the space of others and don't enter office or work space without permission or acknowledgment of presence.
· Ask opinions of others and offer help to others when needed.
· Cheerfully greet others.
· Maintain a positive attitude and 'can do' approach for all new tasks.
· Really look for, admire and congratulate others on their jobs well done.
· Do use and respect the 'chain-of-command' for all communications.
· Don't gossip or complain about others.
· Lean forward in your chair toward speaker.
· Make eye-to-eye contact with normal blinking.
· Make slight head nodding on key points made by speaker.
· Make little or no extraneous arm and leg movements while talking to others.
What do you think? Can you think of other “positive indicators” of leading/relating to others?
Good stuff...
ReplyDeleteI believe technology is another one of those "negative" indicators as well. How many of us have our cell phones out while having a conversation with someone at a coffee show, then find ourselves checking for new email, text, missed calls, etc. Guilty as charged here. It is something I have to work hard at not doing.
As for "positive" indicators... What about physical touch (in an appropriate way)?
On a side note... How do you gossip or complain about someone in a "non-verbal" way? LOL... If there is a way I think Scott is complaining about me right now!
Hey, I confess to the technology distraction, too; been there, done that . . . not good! Good catch about the gossip and complaining part, I wonder why that's there, hmmm.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think "physical touch" is a good suggestion. I wonder if physical touch can also be a distraction for some? Meaning, some people are not ""touch-feely people and get offended when they're touched, so I'm wondering if we should ask before touching - just thinking out loud here - or simply discerning the situation when doing so.
I am wondering, too, how effective these "positive indicators" are in terms of causing people "to follow" leaders? After thinking about our last blog dialogue(What is a Leader?), I'm curious to know how someone implements "servant-style" non-verbal communication? What does this look like? Thoughts, observations, questions?
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I find this line of conversation to be strongly on the technocrat side. What good are we as leaders if we focus on things like whether our arms are crossed, eye contact, smiles and the like?
ReplyDeleteIn the Kingdom real leadership comes from following the real leader. We should be developing in leaders the ability to hear God's voice and then follow.
Stay away from principles; they cause focus to be on self, not Jesus.
JMHO
Phil
I must admit that I felt some of the same feelings that Phil expressed when I read the list of positive and negative indicators. But I will also defend the idea that it is healthy for us to examine ourselves and determine if we are unknowingly doing some of the negative things that are listed. There are lots of people that are studying this same type of material (in business training sessions and elsewhere) and would be offended by the wrong body language.
ReplyDeleteBut that being said - there is no substitute for genuine love and caring for the person you are serving/leading. I think the body language will "speak" for itself!!
Thanks for responding! I understand that you have some reservation about the “indicators” causing us to be more self-conscience of our “negative cues” which can cause us to be sidetracked from our objective of following Jesus. However, I’m reminded, too, that from my experience verbal-communication is only as good as HOW the verbal-message is communicated. There is a lot to be said for body language: it speaks louder than words, just ask our spouses, lol. Having said the above, and in response to the comment about “developing in leaders the ability to hear God’s voice,” I'm wondering if we should instead help people discern God’s non-verbal communication and encourage them to emulate His actions, affections, mercy, grace, etc. Thoughts?
ReplyDelete